Terms and Conditions for Use of Happy Dead Trees:
Welcome to the website of Happy Dead Trees. By using our site, you are agreeing to comply with and be bound by the following terms of use. Please review the following terms carefully – seriously read them. If you do not agree to these terms, you should not use this site. If you continue use without reading these terms, don’t come crying to us. The term "Happy Dead Trees" or “happydeadtrees.com” refers to Happy Dead Trees, the owner of the website. Just about anytime we use a pronoun other than “you”, we are referring to Happy Dead Trees. The term "you" refers to the user or viewer of our website.
We’re glad you actually managed to find us and frankly we’re amazed that you are taking the time to read the terms and conditions statement. That shows us that you are the kind of person who keeps warranties and never forgets to mail a rebate before the due date. You should start your own website to teach the rest of us how it’s done.
So, here goes. The use of this website is subject to the following terms and conditions:
All content on these pages is here in the hope that a reasonable number of people will find it entertaining and or useful, but we aren’t promising you a rose garden. In fact, we aren’t promising you anything at all.
You acknowledge that no promises or guarantees have been made or implied as to the results that can be expected from your use of this website. We do not guarantee the accuracy, timeliness, effectiveness, or, grammatical correctness of any information found on this site. You agree to hold us entirely blameless for errors, omissions, and snarkiness to the fullest extent possible under the laws of the United States of America and of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. You also agree that the staff, owners, and all close associates of said owners and staff, are as pure as the driven snow and that whether we are assessed individually or collectively we are all remarkably pure of heart and fair of countenance. (Okay, you don’t really have to acknowledge the self-evident truth of the one sentence statement that immediately precedes this parenthetical aside.)
When you submit an article, story, or other content to Happy Dead Trees you give us the non-exclusive rights to use that submission as we see fit. You acknowledge that with each submission we have full and unrestricted permission to use it, or not use it, as we see fit and at our sole discretion, on this website and on any successor websites or related websites. We may, again at our sole discretion, edit your submissions for length, clarity and even grammatical correctness (insofar as time and our public school educations permit us to recognize and rectify grammatical errors). Your contributions may be critiqued by other site members and in some cases by members of the great unwashed general public. When you submit anything to us you acknowledge that you may get your feelings hurt and that your only recourse is to nurse a grudge and to lash out at others in a similar fashion.
Here are just a few more of the many things we don’t guarantee:
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That the site will continue to exist. (While we intend to keep Happy Dead Trees up and running for years to come, it could crash and die tomorrow. If you submit an article keep a copy. )
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That the content of this site won’t offend you.
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That the pages will look the same and contain the same information from one day to the next.
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That the sun will come up tomorrow.
If you’re a jerk and manage to take umbrage with something that occurred while you were using Happy Dead Trees, the lawyer says to tell you to read the preceding part for your entertainment value, but to read the remainder of the terms below so that you are absolutely sure that you have a full and complete understanding of your obligations as a user or member of Happy Dead Trees:
Here's the legalese part - only slightly edited by me:
Welcome to Happy Dead Trees. By registering as a member of Happy Dead Trees you are agreeing to comply with and be bound by the following terms and conditions of use, which together with our privacy policy govern Happy Dead Tree’s relationship with you in relation to this website.
The term “Happy Dead Trees” or “us” or “we” refers to the owner of the website. The term “you” refers to the registered user of our website.
The use of this website is subject to the following terms of use:
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By submitting an article, or any kind of content, to Happy Dead Trees you agree that we have a permanent, non-exclusive use of this content and that you will receive no compensation for these contributions except in cases in which a contributor wins a contest. Rules for contests are posted separately.
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Neither we nor any third parties provide any warranty or guarantee as to the accuracy, timeliness, performance, completeness or suitability of the information and materials found or offered on this website for any particular purpose. You acknowledge that such information and materials may contain inaccuracies or errors and we expressly exclude liability for any such inaccuracies or errors to the fullest extent permitted by law.
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Your use of any information or materials on this website is entirely at your own risk, for which we shall not be liable. It shall be your own responsibility to ensure that any products, services or information available through this website meet your specific requirements.
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This website contains material which is owned by or licensed to us. This material includes, but is not limited to, the design, layout, look, appearance and graphics. Reproduction is prohibited other than in accordance with the copyright notice, which forms part of these terms and conditions.
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All trademarks reproduced in this website, which are not the property of, or licensed to the operator, are acknowledged on the website.
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Unauthorised use of this website may give to a claim for damages and/or be a criminal offence.
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From time to time this website may also include links to other websites. These links are provided for your convenience to provide further information. They do not signify that we endorse the website(s). We have no responsibility for the content of the linked website(s).
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Your use of this website and any dispute arising out of such use of the website is subject to the laws of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and the United States of America. You agree that any legal action or proceeding between Happy Dead Trees and you for any purpose concerning your use of this site, or agreements entered into with Happy Dead Trees while using this site, or the parties' obligations hereunder shall be brought exclusively in a federal or state court of competent jurisdiction sitting in the County of Allegheny, Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, United States
That's the end of the way the lawyer wanted it worded.
Thanks – and enjoy!